You know what, cheesecake?
I don’t miss you. Because really, fuck how grossly decadent you are. When I used to eat you, the only thing I felt afterwards was guilt and the desire to curl up into a ball and die. Signs of a healthy, well-balanced relationship for sure.
The fact that I made a raw almond “cheesecake” (recipe modified from here) says nothing about anything.
Did I get a little worried that my blender wouldn’t be able to mash the almonds that I had soaked for a night into the right consistency? Maybe. Was it laborious to do? A little. When I had sampled the mixture before freezing, I had a few reservations. It had a slight by unmistakable grit of almonds, but at the same time, it had the richness of the cheesecake without even needing cream cheese, and at that, I was a little impressed. Impressed enough to not totally stamp and pass it off as “healthy shit I don’t think I can get used to”.
I even tried to properly make layers– on top of the crust, which was made from ground up paleo chocolate chip cookies that well, turned out less than ideal, with some coconut oil, a layer of plain vanilla, the second being a layer blended with raspberries and blueberry, and finally, the top being blueberry and mango.
It’s freezing in the fridge now, but I got impatient after two hours and cut off a portion.
Interessante. Too soon to say if I would try again, but for now, I can still say that I don’t miss cheesecake.
Edit (23Jun2013): I…don’t think I like this. Maybe it’s because it hadn’t blended it enough, but even though it initially feels like biting into cheesecake, I can’t get past the fact that I am essentially eating really, really ground up almonds. The flavors aren’t really there, and the crust only tastes like coconut oil– my bad. I’ll think of this as more of a failure on my part. But for now, no more raw vegan “cheesecakes” will be seen from me.
I’ll uh, find a way to dispose of it. I might even have to enlist the help of the Mob…
For now, I think if I really ever do want cheesecake, I’d either a) pretend I didn’t care about my health or calories that day– and it’d have to be a very special day, b) share it with five other people, or c) maybe try a greek yogurt one. I think this option seems the most feasible.
Until then, I still don’t miss you, cheesecake. You, nor your abhorrent Factory.